My Personals Ad, Updated

In 2008, I did a speech talking about Dating Sites on the Internet. It was funny back them but even funnier now because not much as changed. I am on 3 dating sites right now (It’s research for my speech…she tells herself).

https://sereneartiste.wordpress.com/2015/05/05/the-personals-my-very-first-humorous-speech-in-2008/

It is 7 years later and not much has changed except now I have an almost 17 year old and a 4 year old instead of a 10 year old and 2 beagles. I feel the same way now as I did then, maybe even stronger about my convictions.

I still think of the “C” word as dirty. “Committed”  What were you thinking?

I still want a man. That hasn’t changed. This time instead of putting up with me (which is a given), maybe someone to balance me.

I still want to create the honey do list to get things done that I don’t want to do. Especially if it entails hiring someone to clean. Oh, I really hate to clean.

The extra money is always a plus…that makes the person a partner in the relationship. I am not sure I knew how to articulate that then (or find it for that matter), but I want a partner in everything.

I no longer believe in Prince Charming riding on his horse with me in tow towards the sunset for the perfect life. Either I’m riding the horse and not sharing the saddle and he is walking or I have my own horse because I can do whatever he can do (give or take).

I am busy. I work full time and part time, I financially and emotionally take care of both my children. I am self sufficient. I don’t need a man, but I want a male partner….I’m really not sure how to expand on that thought.

At 43 vs 36, this is my personals ad and it hasn’t changed, much:

SFWC – Single Female with Children – looking for a MAN for companionship, partnership and love.  A paycheck is a requirement, not a bonus.  A big paycheck is a huge bonus and will put you closer to the top of the list.

Need to be able to put up with my monthly mood swings.  Who am I kidding… How about minute to minute?

Must understand chocolate and salt cravings monthly and replenish supply frequently. During the other parts of the month, must help me to eat right and do not tempt with bad foods. With me being 4’10”, the lbs are easily seen and I will complain and blame you. Must be able to hide bad foods and reach those said foods for me when they are needed.

Spoil me, give me attention and affection unless I want my space then leave me the hell alone.

Need to enjoy the little things in life…Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Thomas the Train or anything else that catches my 4 year old’s fancy (he’s very particular and stubborn). Enjoy some of the bigger things too, like rap music, giving girl advice and putting your foot down when the 16 year old is a jerk (this happens daily so pick your battles and make sure he respects his mother).

Knowledge of shopping is required.  Must know the correct answers to shopping questions. These will include “No, that is not too much money” and “Pick out whatever you like” and my favorite “You make those Jeans look fantastic, You look so thin. Have I told you that I love you.”

Must love to hold hands and show public affection, even when you are not enjoying yourself. Just be happy that I am happy.

Must be able to ask for or read directions. Listening to the Google Map lady is a must because you really are lost and you don’t know where you are going.

Must be able to build things so they look like the picture on the box and not a Picasso (or buy things already assembled).

Must be able to admit to being wrong daily. And don’t worry, when you don’t admit it, I’ll wait until you do. I am a patient person. I can wait all night while you sleep on the couch.

Must have good appetite and sense of humor to deal with my family – I am Italian and Jewish (big family,lots of sarcasm, lots of food and I am proficient on feeling and giving guilt).

Must be a good listener or a good pretender (nodding politely, standard answers…yes dear, anything you say dear). I like to talk.

Must be intimate. A little pat on the butt goes a long way. A smack on the butt goes even farther (as long as it isn’t followed with a comment about the size of my butt).

Are there any takers?

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