About 9 years ago I divorced my husband (now ex-husband) because of many reasons. At the time my son was 7. My thought process was that I needed to meet people that were in a similar situation as us and maybe meet “The One” who would rock my world and be my forever partner.
About 6 1/2 years ago, I got out of a bad relationship and immediately got into another relationship. The new man I met had a son a couple years younger than my son and needed a lot of help. I decided I was just the nurturer that was going to fix him and his family. I stepped in and built his ego as much as possible. I fell in love with little things about him and fell out of love with other things. Almost 4 years ago, I gave birth to our baby. Things became very clear to me. I had a 12 1/2 year old son, a new baby boy and I just added a 10 year old boy and 37 year old man to my responsibility list. I tried to take care of his son after his ex-wife basically dumped him on us 3 months after the baby was born (my older son was just somewhat abandoned by his father’s new relationship and needed attention too). About 9 months after our baby was born, I asked (told) him to take his other son and move out. They were becoming an obligation that I couldn’t handle anymore. I was postpartum. I was overweight more than I was before. I was sleep deficient. I was drowning.
The baby is almost 4 years old. We have been living separately since I asked him to leave. He has struggled but we stayed together as a couple to raise our son. He picks on my older son and I on his because of our different parenting styles. I have been financially supporting both of my boys and sometimes I have to help support the man financially due to his lack of money management (mine isn’t much better but I make more money to work with).
Last Friday, I had had enough of the pathetic cries for attention from the boyfriend. I work a full time job and a part time job. I get a lot of grief when I work on nights that he is available and on nights that he isn’t when I work my part time job that is my escape and I get to make money doing it. I get grief when I don’t have time to spend with him because I am doing something with my older son or the little one. I decided enough is enough and broke it off.
I wish I felt bad or something but I don’t feel much different. We have been amicable and talk about our son and picking up and dropping off the kids. He wondered if I cheated and I told him that not only do I not want to be with him but I don’t want to be with anyone. I want to be with my kids and have my freedom. He wonders why I am so tainted against men. I could explain but that would take a whole other blog.
I am free (to an extent) to do the things I dream about and love to do. I ran a Spartan Race and will run another in December. I teach painting at painting parties. I work as an accountant and hope to get my CPA in the next 2 years. I am traveling to see my best friend in Florida with my little one so he can meet her little one (both of us had babies within 9 months of each other).
I will be the nurturer to my children. I don’t need any more complications. I would like a man in my life, but on our terms, not just mine or his. I want a partner in life, not just another child to take care of. So I will take my Freedom until there is someone that can share my life with me on terms we can both agree to and expectations we can both try to meet.
I will miss some things and not miss others. I give myself kudos for finally making the decision. I know he hurts. I hurt too. I am happy to begin the next chapter of my life.
Here I go again, hopefully wiser this time.