To Be Free or Not To Be Free

About 9 years ago I divorced my husband (now ex-husband) because of many reasons. At the time my son was 7. My thought process was that I needed to meet people that were in a similar situation as us and maybe meet “The One” who would rock my world and be my forever partner.

About 6 1/2 years ago, I got out of a bad relationship and immediately got into another relationship. The new man I met had a son a couple years younger than my son and needed a lot of help. I decided I was just the nurturer that was going to fix him and his family. I stepped in and built his ego as much as possible.  I fell in love with little things about him and fell out of love with other things. Almost 4 years ago, I gave birth to our baby. Things became very clear to me. I had a 12 1/2 year old son, a new baby boy and I just added a 10 year old boy and 37 year old man to my responsibility list.  I tried to take care of his son after his ex-wife basically dumped him on us 3 months after the baby was born (my older son was just somewhat abandoned by his father’s new relationship and needed attention too). About 9 months after our baby was born, I asked (told) him to take his other son and move out. They were becoming an obligation that I couldn’t handle anymore. I was postpartum. I was overweight more than I was before. I was sleep deficient. I was drowning.

The baby is almost 4 years old. We have been living separately since I asked him to leave. He has struggled but we stayed together as a couple to raise our son. He picks on my older son and I on his because of our different parenting styles. I have been financially supporting both of my boys and sometimes I have to help support the man financially due to his lack of money management (mine isn’t much better but I make more money to work with).

Last Friday, I had had enough of the pathetic cries for attention from the boyfriend. I work a full time job and a part time job. I get a lot of grief when I work on nights that he is available and on nights that he isn’t when I work my part time job that is my escape and I get to make money doing it. I get grief when I don’t have time to spend with him because I am doing something with my older son or the little one. I decided enough is enough and broke it off.

I wish I felt bad or something but I don’t feel much different. We have been amicable and talk about our son and picking up and dropping off the kids. He wondered if I cheated and I told him that not only do I not want to be with him but I don’t want to be with anyone.  I want to be with my kids and have my freedom. He wonders why I am so tainted against men. I could explain but that would take a whole other blog.

I am free (to an extent) to do the things I dream about and love to do.  I ran a Spartan Race and will run another in December. I teach painting at painting parties. I work as an accountant and hope to get my CPA in the next 2 years. I am traveling to see my best friend in Florida with my little one so he can meet her little one (both of us had babies within 9 months of each other).

I will be the nurturer to my children. I don’t need any more complications. I would like a man in my life, but on our terms, not just mine or his. I want a partner in life, not just another child to take care of. So I will take my Freedom until there is someone that can share my life with me on terms we can both agree to and expectations we can both try to meet.

I will miss some things and not miss others. I give myself kudos for finally making the decision. I know he hurts. I hurt too. I am happy to begin the next chapter of my life.

Here I go again, hopefully wiser this time.

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17 thoughts on “To Be Free or Not To Be Free

  1. You are an inspiration to all women. We do not need a man to be happy or to complete us. We can take care of ourselves. Loved your post. Best of luck to you and your wonderful children.

    – Nadine

    Liked by 1 person

  2. wise decision to begin with! Marriage is like a partnership-not the sleeping partnership kind….! people have a wrong idea in mind associated with marriage. That woman has to feed everyone and run all the errands and carry all the burden…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I was married once to someone I settled for because he was nicer to me than others that I had met. I had the fairytale in mind for our lives together. Life is hard work and a partnership is hard work. When one stops wanting to work at it, it is over.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. You are one brave woman…It’s not everyday people realise it’s time for them to break away and just be good to themselves. All the best to you and your sons and I hope you find a partner who will compliment you and meet your terms. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You are an amazing woman. You remind me a lot of my mom. Granted that she’s been with my father since before I was born, But she’s always been about her first. Before her job, her own dreams, even her own husband, her children come first. I love my mother for that. and now that I am older It’s u to me to repay her for the man she has helped me to be. I hope that with being so amazing yourself, your children grow up to be as grand as you.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh my gosh, this post… I needed to read this. I can relate in so many ways! Thumbs up, to your bravery and for doing what you felt was right for you and your little ones; happiness is something that cannot always be found in another person, and is something that we must find for and within ourselves.

    Liked by 1 person

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