Liar’s Contest Speech

This is a speech I wrote for a Liar’s Contest that I was in. The last line was how you needed to end it. I thought it may be a good prompt.

I was out for a walk at night.  I needed some fresh air and some exercise.  I wanted to clear my head.  I was walking down my block and walked all the way to the park.  It was a lovely evening.  The air was clear, there wasn’t hardly any wind but just a slight cool breeze that gently blew my hair away from my face.  I was wearing a light jacket, a pair of sweats and a t-shirt.  I decided to sit on the swings at the playground when I heard a noise.

I looked behind me but there was no one there.  I heard the bushes rustle and I decided it was time to get out of there.  As I began to walk away, the bushes started rustling more and I began to run.  I tried not to look behind me but I couldn’t help it.  Out of the bushes jumped a big fat cat.  It mewed and hissed at me.  I thought I was having a heart attack.  I told it to shoo.  Then I giggled to myself about how I let my imagination get the best of me.  After this debacle and a few degradations to myself, I slowed down and headed out of the park.

The next thing I know, this hairy creature jumps out of the shadows.  I start to run but this creature is fast.  Is it a dog?  A rabid beast out for blood?  Where can I find silver…am I being chased by a werewolf?  Maybe it’s bigfoot?  I keep looking behind me and it is gaining on me.  I think I know a shortcut to get out of this park.  I am not a fast runner due to these really short legs and small gait.  Thank goodness I have been going to Bootcamp to strengthen my running skills but I am not sure it is enough.

As the creature gains on me, I feel heat burning on my back.  I believe this creature has lasers coming out of his eyes and he is burning my clothes off little by little.  I take off my jacket because I know that there is a hole burning through it.  Next my shirt starts to burn.  I start to zigzag so his lasers cannot burn me.  I feel a draft and I notice my tush is bare…I am wearing a thong.  I rid myself of my pants.  I finally reached the end of the park and ran out onto the sidewalk.  I kept running until I got to the street.

As I ran to the street a police car was driving by and I waved it down.  The policeman asked me why I was dressed the way I was and I explained the whole story to him.

So Mr. Officer, that is why I’m out at midnight in my underwear.


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