Whenever I sit down to write something, I find that I can’t think of what I want to write. I have a similar habit with my art. I sit down to paint but I don’t know what I want to paint. With both writing and painting, I find that if I look at my surroundings or listen to the people around me, I find myself thinking about things to write and seeing things to paint. I love this site for the prompts that people offer to help me write outside of my mind.
I would like to be able to write and paint my passions and my life. I would like to sit down in front of a canvas or a word document and just pour out my soul. Perhaps I am afraid of what will pour out? I know I am afraid of saying or doing something that will hurt another. I am a people pleaser and as much as I don’t like it, I care what others think. I care if someone likes my writing or my painting. I care if I say something that hurts someone else. I care what people say about any of my art. I JUST CARE!
So when I sit down in front of a canvas, I think about what others like and I try to paint it. For two years, I have painted approximately 40 panel canvasses for my co-workers as Christmas gifts. The first year it was all beach scenes because I thought it would be nice for everyone to have that place to relax in their mind. I am an Accountant so all the people I work with are looking at numbers ALL DAY LONG! The second year I personalized the paintings for the individual person. (some of these paintings can be found in my media).
When I do these paintings, it is for someone else. It makes me happy and I enjoy it, but it isn’t always what I want. How do I find my niche? How do I find my heart in my writings and paintings? One thing I do love to do is doodling and abstract. My abstract has letters and numbers and shapes in it. It looks like this:
The name Rebecca is hidden in there. I think this could be a niche. However, I would really like to do more that looks real. Something like this:
This one came out pretty good. Not all my real life drawings look good. This one could probably still use some work. Now, if I could only add color without completely messing it up.
The two pictures above are the closest art I have found to be my passion. I have always wanted to think outside the box. I don’t like normal. Fantasy is usually a lot more fun than reality, but lately my reality has been pretty fun. I can depict the Spartan Race I am participating in on Saturday or I can always just keep drawing Adam Levine. I also think a lot about Elephants in tutus (I love Elephants and Ballet). However, there will always be a deeper meaning than just the comedic value it will depict.
One of the biggest issues I have is that I write like I talk. I write in tangents. It is difficult to keep my mind focused on one topic. I joined Toastmasters (public speaking and leadership club) 6 years ago because my presentations were very much scattered. I call this process of non-focus “Squirreling” (from the movie “Up”). The A.D.D. kicks in and I get lost easily. I re-read and edit because who knows what subject I am on this time.
I would love to write romance and mystery novels. I wrote, illustrated and self-published a children’s book called “Vocabhallow” back in 2010. It is about a fairy and a dragon who are best friends and they have many adventures with morals to the story. The vocabulary words are used throughout the book and there is an appendix in the back with the pronunciations and definitions of each word. It is supposed to be a fun way to learn SAT vocabulary words. I didn’t really know my demographic and I would do things differently now. I would need an editor. I would love to redo the first one and write and illustrate 39 more so the schools could use them for training all year-long. Although, I did finish it and publish it. I am proud of that.
As ambitious as I am, I am not so good at time management and I tend to jump in emotionally instead of thinking logically. I get in over my head quickly and burn myself out. I know that eventually I will need to stop and enjoy life, family and friends. I am learning BALANCE in my world.
I am always looking for what my brother calls TNT (THE NEXT THING). I have to be careful not to explode before then. Baby steps. One thing at a time. BREATHE! Using both sides of your brain can take a toll.